You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
