He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
