I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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