Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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