I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
