No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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