if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
