Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
