Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
