oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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