i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
