Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
