During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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