If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
