cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
