Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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