hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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