just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
