as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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