The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
