If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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