hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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