that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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