Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I just googled if crying burns calories
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Randomize
