I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
