If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
