not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
