Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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