oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
