I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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