you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
