Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
