So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
