how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
your like the ambassador to my penis.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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