Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
