FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
