Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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