i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
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