Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
