Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
you are never too drunk for berry picking
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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