My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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