How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
