I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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