We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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