I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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