how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
He told me they were just razor bumps!
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Randomize
