I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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