I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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