There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
