he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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