note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
