I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
