I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
